my writing has become more abstract and this one, i believe, is kind of schizo…C/C please?
(i know i probably didn’t edit it right but i just want to know your thoughts on the context.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Forget me
for I know not who I am.
The lie is alive,
snaking it’s way from the depths,
hallowing out
what should have been whole.
Fractured glass reflecting
off the truth
not to be pieced back together,
forgotten in the fading glory
of our pride
and predisposition.
Traveling through the land
at the speed of thought
leaves me…
unnerved.
Painful memories of nothing
tear away thoughts to be.
Now I can’t think of anything.
and nothing always leads to …
something, when faced with
the corners of my mind.
Reminiscent of the echo that silence has
leaving me alone to wither,
floating into eternity
embraced by paranoia.
Hoping to
spiral into control,
but when missed
it leaves me jaded..
So I continue,
flying on inerted wings
falling faster,
failing harder,
than ever before believed.
But forgive me
for I know not who I am.
hmmmm..There is a lot going on in this poem, and it seems to try to be so detailed I lost where I was going. It is a lot of raw words and thoughts, but I miss the focus. I do like that it is not full of rhymes and cliche lines. Also you seemed to switch back and forth from “I” to “our” which did feel a little schizo. Overall, I do like it. Captured a kaleidoscope of your mind. Keep going, there is definitely something to your writing. Maybe it just needs some “polishing”. It does make me think and want to re read it, to find more. Thank you for sharing, taking criticism is not always easy….
Jade and Geo talk about ETERNITY (OFFICIAL VIDEO MESSAGE)
|
|
Vintage Estate Yellow Jade Cocktail Eternity Ring Band Fine Heirloom Old Jewelry $175.20 |
|
|
CELTIC ETERNITY KNOT & HONEY JADE Beaded Earcuff/Ear Cuff *NEW* $5.99 |
|
|
Fortune Carving Eternity Size 10.5 Green Ring 100% Handmade A Jadeite Jade $22.99 |
|
|
New Zealand Maori Koru Style Nephrite Jade Eternity Twist Pendant $19.99 |
|
|
Marvelous!! Light Green & Opaque Eternity Jade Ladies Ring Sz 6.5 $39.99 |
|
|
Fortune Carving Eternity Size 10.5 Green Ring 100% Natural Grade A Jadeite Jade $20.99 |
|
|
VNTG Carved Nephrite Green Jade Ring Eternity or Band Design Size 5-1/4 $24.95 |
|
|
Fortune Carving Eternity Size 10.5 Green Ring 100% Natural Grade A Jadeite Jade $20.99 |
|
|
Fortune Carving Eternity Size 10 Green Ring 100% Natural Grade A Jadeite Jade $150.00 |
|
|
Fortune Carving Eternity Size 10.5 Green Ring 100% Natural Grade A Jadeite Jade $150.00 |
|
|
Fortune Carving Eternity Size 10 Green Ring 100% Untreated Grade A Jadeite Jade $130.00 |
|
|
Fortune Carving Eternity Size 10.5 Green Ring 100% Natural Grade A Jadeite Jade $130.00 |
|
|
Fortune Carving Eternity Size 10.5 Green Ring 100% Natural Grade A Jadeite Jade $150.00 |
|
|
Outstanding!! Mixed Green Faceted Eternity Jade Ladies Dome Ring Sz 6.5 $29.99 |
|
|
Vintage Pearl Button GOOD LUCK AMULET 8/ETERNITY Red JADE Cherry PROSPERITY Pin $15.99 |
|
|
New Zealand Maori Style Nephrite Jade Eternity Twist Koru Pendant $19.99 |
|
|
5 Piece Sterling Silver and Jade Eternity Bands Size 10 $20.00 |
|
|
Vintage 10mm Jade COLOR Aventurine Black Onyx Bead Eternity Strand Necklace 39″ $189.99 |
|
|
MULTI COLOR VINTAGE HAND MADE14k SOLID GOLD JADEITE JADE UNTREATED ETERNITY RING $625.00 |
|
|
Vintage Pearl Button GOOD LUCK AMULET 8/ETERNITY Red JADE Cherry PROSPERITY Pin $19.95 |
|
|
SUPERB GEM GRADE NEW ZEALAND GREENSTONE FLOWER JADE MAORI ETERNITY TWIST $139.50 |
|
|
Decorative 3 Chinese Coins Tied with Eternity Knot $2.99 |
|
|
Advent Amber Jade Eternity Graduate Futura 8″ Speaker Woofer Foam Kit # FSK-8 $24.95 |
|
|
Eternity Bracelets White Jade, Sterling Silver, Green Onxy, Swarovski Crystal $250.00 |
|
|
Vintage 8mm Jade Jadeite & Enamel Cloisonne Bead Eternity Strand Necklace 32″ $219.99 |
|
|
SUPERB GEM GRADE NEW ZEALAND GREENSTONE KAHURANGI JADE MAORI ETERNITY TWIST $139.50 |
|
|
Large Ring Eternity Green Pendant Grade A Jade Jadeite $48.00 |
|
|
Jade Eternity Circles Pendant, white with hint of green $5.99 |
|
|
Jade 14K Eternity Band Ring ~ Green, White, Red or Purple ~ Size 7 $52.57 |
|
|
ROUND BASE GEM GRADE NEW ZEALAND GREENSTONE KAWAKAWA JADE MAORI ETERNITY TWIST $139.50 |
|
|
WOMENS BLACK JADE BRAIDERED ETERNITY BAND RING SIZE 6 7 8 9 10 $142.49 |
|
|
NEW ZEALAND ARAHURA POUNAMU NEPHRITE JADE ETERNITY TWIST $148.50 |
|
|
UNIQUE SMALL MAORI POUNAMU GREENSTONE NZ FLOWER JADE ETERNITY TWIST BY RIC MOOR $112.50 |
|
|
Ladies Diamond Jade & Sapphire 14ct Gold Eternity Ring * VS * $766.45 |
|
|
HUGE COLLECTOR’S NZ GREENSTONE POUNAMU NEPHRITE FLOWER JADE MAORI ETERNITY TWIST $526.50 |
|
|
NATURAL NEPHRITE JADE CUSTOM MADE 14K ETERNITY BAND $527.12 |
|
|
Vintage Jade Eternity Knot Pendant in 14k Yellow Gold $179.00 |
|
|
Fortune Carving Eternity Size 10.5 Green Ring 100% Handmade A Jadeite Jade $180.00 |
|
|
Green Jadeite Jade Chinese Eternity Knot Pendant + FREE CORD $18.88 |
|
|
Palm Beach Jewelry Green Jade Braided Eternity Band 6 483636 $60.59 |
|
|
Palm Beach Jewelry Green Jade Braided Eternity Band 6 483636 $60.59 |
|
|
Palm Beach Jewelry Green Jade Braided Eternity Band 6 483636 $60.59 |
|
|
Palm Beach Jewelry Green Jade Braided Eternity Band 6 483636 $60.59 |
|
|
Palm Beach Jewelry Green Jade Braided Eternity Band 6 483636 $60.59 |